by Cindia Carrere
If you’re currently going through a breakup, I’m sorry your heart is hurting.
The title of this post is Moving On From Your Ex After A Breakup, so it’s written for those of you who’ve progressed through the healing process to the point you’re ready to move on.
How to deal with a breakup
When someone has a fresh cut, the body bleeds. That’s because blood vessels around the wound are damaged. Blood carries oxygen, which is essential for healing, and cleanses the injured area to prevent infection. While there are benefits to bleeding, too much blood loss can cause shock, permanent damage, or death. That’s why first aid says to interrupt nature’s process and apply pressure to staunch the blood.
The same goes for healing the heart. When the breakup is fresh, the heart is injured and bleeds tears. This emotional hemorrhaging is cleansing at first, but at some point, someone or something may interrupt nature’s process and apply some pressure to help you heal.
Yes! It can be painful.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
First, everybody processes things differently, depending on what tools they have in their bag. Anytime there’s a breakup, they can only react depending on what they have in their toolbox.
After a painful breakup occurs, people shift into one of two basic states of being: Either looking outward and blaming others or looking inward and reflecting on what happened.
It all comes down to the level of awareness. Sometimes we just don’t have the tools required to cope with what we’re going through. And yet, when we do have enough tools in our bag, we take personal responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Doing consciousness work and releasing the internal clutter to make room for what you really want often involves major upheaval and chaos. When this happens, you are met with choice. Are you more likely to blame others or is your thing to take ownership and look for how you’re going to overcome it and not get stuck in it?
People’s reactions will tell you which is their level of awareness.
How to get over someone
In the world of spirit, energy is eternal, unlimited, and inexhaustible. In the physical realm, however, there’s a limit to our capacity and just how much energy we can utilize at any one time.
Our grudges gobble up this bandwidth. Our wounds and heartbreaks drain our energy, leaving us depleted. The way to reclaim our energy, expand our capacity, and be free involves the F-word.
Now this is going to get a little dark and personal.
As a Minister’s daughter, I was OFF-LIMITS and followed all the rules. Didn’t have boyfriends, hardly dated at all (does a Church picnic or roller skating with my gay friend count?), and I didn’t trespass beyond second base.
And then, as a virgin, I was assaulted. I tried telling someone, but they hissed me quiet and said, “Never speak of it again, and then it won’t have happened.”
So I did. I shoved the experience down and kept quiet. It became my secret shame. My inner Good Girl was shattered, my identity lost, and it took me years to heal from it.
How to move on after a divorce
F- YOUR EX!
Yes, that’s right, F- your ex. F- ‘em real hard.
By F- I mean fffforgiiiiiive.
Oh trust me when I say that I remained resistant to the idea of forgiveness for a looooong time because it felt like it would be a betrayal to myself. I had lost too much to forgive, and I also thought it would be condoning violent behavior. I believed the situation to be “unforgiveable.”
But then someone interrupted nature’s process and applied pressure on my behalf to staunch the wound. I had a spiritual teacher get tough with me and tell me forgiveness was for my own benefit and not the assailant’s. If I waited until I felt like forgiving him, I might never do it.
My teacher urged me (quite strongly, in fact) to take the emotional risk and say the words out loud, with her as a witness, that I was at least, “willing to forgive.” I was afraid the phrase would feel like chewing razor blades, cutting the inside of my mouth to shreds. With a rather sour attitude, I mumbled the words. She led me through the statement a couple more times until it was intelligible. To my surprise, my mouth didn’t bleed and my heart didn’t implode.
It was quite the opposite. There was an unexpected lightness of being. Just the fact that I was willing to forgive allowed the healing process to begin.
Surprise! It turns out that forgiveness is a very strong position to take rather than a weak one, as I had formerly believed. Forgiveness flips the situation to your advantage.
Hate the idea of forgiving your ex? I get it. But please continue reading anyway because what I have to say may surprise you.
If you have someone “who done you wrong,” and you get the heebie-jeebies even thinking about them, would you voluntarily spend hours or days handcuffed to them? Would you invite your worst nightmare into your most private moments?
This may be pushing the envelope for some of you but refusing to forgive is actually binding yourself to the very people who hurt you while giving them a backstage pass and special permission to access you on a more vulnerable level. It’s like providing them with all of your emotional passwords, some spyware, and a special pair of X-Ray glasses so they can peer into your spiritual, mental and emotional worlds whenever they want. Eeeeeew, no thank you!
Unforgiveness is a spiritual loophole
Unforgiveness provides an open door
energetically. An energetic door to what?
Have you ever stayed in a hotel with
adjoining rooms? If you’re staying next door to people you know, then the door
between the two rooms might be left unlocked because there’s safety and trust.
However, if you only booked a single room at
the hotel and the next-door neighbors were strangers or even worse, the people
who caused you pain, would you leave it unlocked and open for them to violate
your space? Nooooo, of course not!
So how does this apply to forgiveness? Well,
hostility, anger, and holding a grudge ― while perfectly justifiable ― are low,
When you’re thinking of the people (or ex) who hurt you, those thoughts connect you to the emotional distress of the original events. You are essentially reliving the experiences and conjuring them up in your energy field. At that moment you are vibrating at a similar frequency to them.
DON'T SKIP OVER THIS!
That similar frequency becomes an energetic match, which creates an opening. Since “like attracts like,” whenever you hold negative images and feelings for your ex, it becomes an invitation into your space where they can siphon off your energy like embezzling funds.
We’ve all heard stories of synchronicity where you think of a person and minutes later, even if you haven’t heard from them in a while, they suddenly call you or appear. This phenomenon applies to anyone you have a “connection” with, good or bad. Resentment is a strong connection and keeps the parties involved linked together.
When two quantum particles interact together, they become "entangled."
When apart, they still interact separately. This means that when one of you acts, the other reacts. You can see on a quantum level how important it is to disengage from negative emotional patterns with your ex and untangle yourself from the equation.
Believe me, I know this part can be challenging, but it’s also the key to your freedom. Forgiving isn’t about forgetting, or letting someone off the hook, or condoning their behavior, or even having a relationship with them. It’s not even about liking or trusting them, but it IS about freeing yourself from that energetic entanglement and being able to move forward without carrying the heavy spiritual, emotional, and psychic burdens.
Are you more of an energetic match to your wounds, or to your desires?
Forgiveness puts you in the power position. It allows you to disconnect those attachments and cords from your ex, unlock the handcuffs, and close the energetic portal between you. It shifts the energy from a dense, lower frequency to a much higher one.
Hiding in plain sight
Once entangled, physical miles don’t always create distance. Distance, in this case, is a result of living and operating at a different frequency than the person who hurt you. Forgiving allows you to hide in plain sight because your energy fields will no longer be a match and they will have a much more difficult time triangulating your location. It rescinds the permission to attach energetically and sets you free.
The very notion that I was allowing the man who assaulted me free rein in my energy field because I refused to forgive him was alarming. I didn’t want him closer to me, I wanted him far, far away. The idea of gaining freedom and an invisibility cloak was a huge motivator for me to finally forgive.
I realized that forgiveness is not a feeling, at least at first, it’s a decision. It’s a verb. It is something that you may have to do more than once.
is for YOU! It is designed to heal the places in your heart that:
- keep you stuck
- are not able to love or receive fully
- are hidden from the world to see
- or prevents you from living your dreams
If you’re interested in freeing up some space in your heart after a breakup; to
move on from your ex, a divorce or even an ex who’s moved on, we have a new set of Forgiveness Printables that would make great additions to your vision board or your LVB!
To download some free Printable Forgiveness Vision Board Statements for you to use on your own vision board, click the button below.